Who Is The “I” That Is Struggling?

“This past week I have been struggling with…”

I hear some version of those words rather frequently from sincere students at the American Meditation Institute. And quite often, before their sentence can be completed, I interrupt.

“Who is the ‘I’ that is struggling?”

For a moment, the student may look surprised. After all, I have been struggling with is one of the most commonplace expressions in our language. But hidden inside those ordinary words is a doorway to an extraordinary experience: freedom.

The student came prepared to tell me what the struggle was about. But Yoga Science invites us to make a far more liberating discovery.

The Higher Self never struggles.

Struggle is the exclusive purview of the personality. Suddenly, whatever was going to follow the word with becomes less important. The difficulty has not necessarily disappeared. But our relationship to it has changed.

What seemed to be happening to me can now be witnessed as something occurring within the personality. And if I can witness it, I do not have to identify with it. There is our first taste of freedom. 

Be Careful What You Attach to “I”

Listen to the ordinary language of everyday life. I am angry. I am afraid. I am worried. I am hurt. I am confused. I am a failure. I have always been this way.

We rarely give such expressions a second thought. But Yoga Science asks us to pay very careful attention to them.

Every time we say “I am,” what are we attaching to the word “I”?

The experience may be real. Fear may genuinely be present. Anger may have arisen. The body may be tired. A painful memory may have surfaced from the Unconscious Mind.

Yoga Science does not ask us to deny any of this. But neither does it ask us to transform a temporary condition of the personality into a declaration of who we are.

There is an enormous difference between: “I am afraid.” and recognizing: “Fear is presently appearing in my consciousness.”

One is identification. The other is observation. One can strengthen bondage. The other can open a doorway to freedom.

The Self-Hypnosis of I, Me and Mine

The casual, habitual use of the words I, me and mine can become a powerful form of self-hypnosis. All day long, often without realizing it, we may be telling ourselves who we are.

My anger. My fear. My problem. My resentment. My failure. My past.

And because thoughts carry energy, repetition matters.

Each time we identify with a limiting thought or condition, we send more energy through an already familiar channel in the Unconscious Mind.

The samskara is reinforced. But something else is happening too. We are not merely experiencing the thought. We are claiming it.

We attach the word my to it, inviting the Ego to incorporate it into the personality’s definition of itself. And eventually, what began as something we experienced can begin to feel like something we are.

This is why Higher Knowledge asks us to become increasingly conscious of the words I, me and mine.

Not because these pronouns are forbidden. Not because we should become anxious about our language. But because our language can reveal our identification.

And once we recognize the identification, those same three little words can become something unexpected: bells of awakening.

Why Are You Struggling?

There is another reason I interrupt the student who says: “I have been struggling with…” Yoga Science teaches that ahimsa—non-injury—is the highest principle.

So I ask: Why injure yourself in a struggle?

We have been conditioned to believe that when an unwanted thought, fear, desire or habit appears, we must fight it. But fighting the mind is still a relationship with the mind. And struggle consumes energy.

Yoga Science offers another possibility. Witness.

The thought has appeared.
The emotion has appeared.
The samskara has presented itself.
Fine. Now we know what we are dealing with.

There is no need to hate it. There is no need to condemn it. There is no need to identify with it. And there is no need to struggle against it.

Practice vairagya—non-attachment or detachment. Create space. Then consult the Conscience. What’s to be done? What’s not to be done?

The object that originally seemed to demand a struggle has now become something quite different. It has become an opportunity to practice Yoga Science.

Freedom does not require winning the struggle. Freedom begins when I recognize that the struggle is not who I am.

What Appears to Be the Obstacle

There is another dimension to this experiment. When an unwanted relationship presents itself, the personality naturally thinks: Why is this happening? Why now? Why me? If only this person—or this circumstance—were different.

But Yoga Science reminds us of something very practical: We go nowhere. 

The karmas that are ready to be resolved come to us, presenting themselves through the relationships of everyday life as opportunities for greater freedom.

What the personality experiences as an interruption may be the very relationship through which greater freedom becomes possible.

What appears to be the obstacle may actually contain the doorway.

We do not need a different circumstance before we can practice. We do not need a different person. We do not need a different past. We don’t even need a different thought.

We begin with the thought that has just arrived.

There It Is—the Doorway

You don’t have to go anywhere or wait for some extraordinary spiritual experience to begin this experiment. The doorway may appear while you’re driving to work, washing the dishes, speaking with your spouse, answering an email—or simply listening to yourself think.

I am angry. There it is. The doorway.
Pause. Who is this “I”?

Anger may still be present. The circumstance may not have changed. The samskara may still be asking for your energy. But something has changed.

You are witnessing it.

And in that small space between identification and witnessing, you may experience something that had been there all along: freedom.

The very language that once reinforced our identification can now alert us to it. Every careless “I” can become an opportunity to remember. Every possessive “mine” can become an invitation to practice vairagya. Every “That’s just the way I am” can become an occasion to ask: Who am I?

What Are We Really Sacrificing?

Suppose an old resentment appears. If I call it my resentment, releasing it may feel like surrendering something that belongs to me. If I have repeated the story long enough, I may even feel that the resentment is part of who I am.

But what happens when I recognize: Resentment has appeared in the mind?

Now I can witness it. I can examine which function—or functions—of the mind are recommending that I continue feeding it. I can consult the Conscience.

And if Conscience advises that maintaining the resentment is a preya, I can sacrifice it in service of the shreya.

Then something extraordinary becomes apparent: I am not sacrificing who I am. I am sacrificing what prevents me from experiencing who I am.

The energy that had been invested in maintaining the old identification can be transformed into healing energy, willpower and creativity.

Ahimsa replaces struggle.
Vairagya replaces identification.
Conscience replaces automatic reaction.
And another old highway begins to lose its authority.

Three Little Words

For the coming week, become interested in three of the smallest and most frequently used words in our English language: I. Me. Mine.

Don’t condemn yourself for using them. Don’t try to eliminate them from your vocabulary. Simply listen.

Whenever one appears, become the Yoga Scientist and ask: What am I identifying with right now? Is this my Essential Nature? Or is this a temporary condition, thought, emotion, possession, role, memory, expectation or habit of the personality?

You may be surprised by what you discover. Something you have called my problem for twenty years may begin to look quite different when you stop placing the word my in front of it.

Something you have repeatedly declared I am, may reveal itself simply as another changing condition appearing on the screen of consciousness.

And with that recognition comes space. With space comes choice. And with choice comes another opportunity to act on the wisdom of Conscience.

Who Is the “I”?

So the next time you hear yourself beginning that familiar sentence—“I have been struggling with…”—stop. You may never need to finish it.

Whatever you were about to place after the word with may not be the most important part of the sentence. Instead, turn your attention toward the beginning.

Who is the “I”? 

The personality may be experiencing difficulty. A samskara may be presenting itself. Fear may be making a recommendation. Ego may be defending an expectation. The Unconscious Mind may be offering yesterday’s familiar highway.

Witness all of it. But don’t automatically call it me or mine.

The difficulty you were about to describe may even be the very relationship that has arrived to provide an opportunity for greater freedom.

You don’t have to go anywhere. We go nowhere. Life itself brings us the curriculum.

And perhaps one of the most consequential habits we can transform is the habit of repeatedly mistaking what we experience for what we are.

The Higher Self does not struggle. It witnesses.

And sometimes the doorway to experiencing our inherent freedom is hidden inside one of the most ordinary sentences we speak.

So before completing that sentence, pause.
Listen.
And ask: Who Is the “I” That Is Struggling?

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